The Season 6 premiere of History Channel’s Vikings saw all the key players lined up, and now, with Episode 3 (titled “Ghosts, Gods and Running Dogs”), the story starts to play out in earnest. So, here’s what happened.
Welcome back, King Harald Finehair (Peter Franzen)! And don’t you just look like sh*t! The poor guy can’t seem to catch a break. First, he gets injured helping Bjorn Ironside (Alexander Ludwig) get back Kattegat even though everyone knows that Harald wants all of Norway for himself.
Now, Olaf the Stout (Steven Berkoff) healed him only to have his kingdom taken from him as a result. Not only that, but Harald gets to listen to Olaf spout all this crap about how awesome he is.
Speaking of Bjorn, he has decided to help Harald and is now putting all his ducks in a row before he heads off on his journey. One of those ducks happens to be Ingrid (Lucy Martin), his wife’s handmaiden.
And, what he does to her also rhymes with duck because — let’s face it — Bjorn is nothing more than a manw***e.
But, then, he is kissing his wife and heading off to sea with what he thinks he has an awesome plan.
However, either the duo that has been reporting back on Harald’s welfare or Kjetill Flatnose (Adam Copeland) has been snitching to Olaf. This most excellent plan of Bjorn’s that sees them all swimming in and attacking by surprise blows up in their faces.
As a result, Olaf starts ranting and raving while his guards light up the water and trap Bjorn’s men there.
Ever the optimist, Harald is sure his luck is going to change, so much so that he offers a kingly title to Canute (Connor Rogers) when he comes in with Harald’s next meal.
Canute points out that the only place Harald is ruling over now is the prison cell — and that was a gift from Olaf. He then also lets him know that Bjorn might be in the area and, hey, wouldn’t it be funny if he was there to help free Harald.
Except, we all know how that turns out.
While Bjorn is gone, Ubbe (Jordan Patrick Smith) and Torvi (Georgia Hurst) have to look after Kattegat because everyone is on the same page about Hvitserk (Marco Ilso) being a hot mess.
This means Torvi’s kids are left behind with Lagertha (Katheryn Winnick) because she has all the time in the world since she retired, right?
Oh, hell no!
As soon as Lagertha buried her sword in the Season 6 premiere, I am betting that all the gods fell about laughing right before they gave the branded outcasts the directions to Lagertha’s region.
While Lagertha doesn’t get attacked in this episode, the bandits do attack the closest village, and all the womenfolk there tell Lagertha who, sighs, dusts off her sword, and rolls her eyes at the gods.
During his welcome speech, Ubbe talks of trading missions with King Alfred (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) in England, and Duke Rollo (Clive Standen) in Frankia. So, here’s hoping that we get one last trip down memory lane with Rollo in the final season of Vikings.
Additionally, Ubbe suggests they also trade along the Silk Road. This idea would be pretty cool if Hvitserk were there and listening because it would give him a chance of making a trip to kill his brother, Ivar the Boneless (Alex Hogh Andersen).
Except, as I said earlier, Hvitserk is currently King of the Hot Mess.
Speaking of Ivar, he is asking Prince Oleg (Danila Kozlovsky) all about his upcoming attack on Kattegat. But, he is trying to do it all discrete-like because Oleg is some sort of nasty f*cker who took out his own brother because there are too many people in the queue between him and the crown.
Ivar also asks Oleg about whether or not he really was a prophet, and Oleg is all, “Hell, no,” before explaining that his brother’s secret wife was also his secret mistress, and he had okayed the wedding.
As for his brother, Dir (Lenn Kudrjawizki), he is planning on being the brother that doesn’t get poisoned by Oleg, so he sucks up to him and promises that he is now on Team Oleg. Of course, Oleg is no fool and promptly has Dir tortured.
He then has a ring and chain put through Dir’s cheek. This brother may now still be alive, but he is kept outside with the dogs, and I am wondering if the Rus are related to Ramsay Bolton and migrated to Westeros at some point.
While all of this familicide is going on, the actual heir to the Rus throne, Prince Igor (Oran Glynn O’Donovan), is walking the fine line between becoming just like Oleg or being guided by the gentler hand of Ivar.
Seriously, can you believe I just actually wrote that? It is some sort of fresh hell when Ivar is the nicest person in the room.
Vikings returns to History Channel with Episode 4, titled “All the Prisoners,” on Wednesday, December 18 at 10/9c.