Deavan Clegg provided her fans with an unfiltered life update after going MIA.
For the past three years, the 90 Day Fiance alum has admittedly stayed out of the spotlight as much as possible.
Deavan has had a lot on her plate in recent years, leading her to spiral into a deep depression.
The mom of three took to Instagram to direct her fans and followers to a recent YouTube video she recorded called “We Need to Talk (Life Update).”
In the video, Deavan opened up about some traumatic events that led to her mental health decline.
Deavan cited several incidents that took a “huge toll” on her mental health, including her very public divorce from Jihoon Lee, a public lawsuit, her son Taeyang being diagnosed with cancer, being pregnant with her third child during Taeyang’s health battle, and a stalking incident.
Deavan says trolls made ‘cruel’ comments about her postpartum weight gain
The former reality TV star admitted that she went into a “very dark place,” and after giving birth to her third child, she went from wearing a size 2 to a size 14.
Gaining 80 pounds added to the depression she was already facing, especially because people online would constantly post “really, really mean” comments about her weight gain on social media.
Deavan said one comment in particular stuck with her. A critic told her that she looked like a “bloated and fat corpse” one month after giving birth to her second son.
The comment “flipped a switch” in Deavan, and from that point on, she wanted nothing to do with the internet or her YouTube channel.
But she still was under contract to post promotions online. So after the videos were edited and ready to post, Deavan says she would go into full-blown anxiety mode, having panic attacks, which would ruin her day.
Deavan became so depressed that she refused to leave the house most days, and when she did, she wouldn’t allow anyone to take her photo.
It even got to the point that when Deavan looked in a mirror, she admitted she wanted “nothing to do with” herself and “couldn’t look at” herself on vlogs and podcast episodes.
Deavan promises her mental health is on the mend
But now, Deavan told her YouTube followers that it’s getting better, and she wants to change things.
Deavan is embarking on a fitness journey, something she is excited about putting out on social media.
She is also working on getting back to vlogging and being happy again.
At the end of her video, Deavan thanked her subscribers for supporting her, continuing to subscribe, and following her journey.
“Anyways, thank you guys for staying on the channel, staying subscribed, and being so supportive throughout those years and being understanding,” Deavan told her fans.
“Please follow me on my journey of getting over my fear again and just getting back out there. Thank you. Bye.”
Season 6 of 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way airs on Mondays at 8/7c on TLC.