Between the original 90 Day Fiance and its numerous spin-offs, fans of the franchise are rarely without new episodes to watch. Today was no exception; the new season of Before the 90 Days premiered and boy was it a doozy.
First, we met a 54-year-old photographer — Ed from San Diego. Ed is 4’11, but wants to be called Big Ed because “it’s funny because I’m not tall.”
Ed adores his dog Teddy, saying Teddy is “somebody I can talk to.” Ed and Teddy have the healthiest relationship in the show’s history.
Ed’s fallen for 23-year-old Rosemarie from the Philippines, much to the chagrin of his 29-year-old daughter, Tiffany. Ed stays young-looking for Rose with an intensive mayonnaise and hair dye regimen.
Next up is Avery, a single mom of two from Seattle. Avery enjoys yoga, social media, and putting marijuana in salads. She’s dating Ash, who is originally from Mauritius but lives in Australia.
Ash is a relationship coach who works exclusively with single women. Avery and Ash have never met in person, have been in a relationship for nine months, and have broken up three times.
In the reddest of red flags, Ash deleted all Avery’s photos from his Instagram and claimed someone hacked him.
Then we have Geoffrey, a self-described “country boy,” raising three sons. He met Varya on an international dating site and is planning to meet her soon.
Geoffrey’s Russian friend Olga calls him a “lost little boy” and tells him that his plans with Varya are “stupid.” She believes that Varya will come to America and immediately complain that she’s “stuck on this freaking mountain.”
Olga is hands down the best person in this episode.
Next up is Lisa, a brash, blonde 50-something, and her 30-year-old Nigerian boyfriend, Usman. We’re told that Usman and Lisa are not Angela and Michael, but I remain unconvinced.
For some reason, Lisa’s intro sequence happens while she’s getting a full body wax. She also reveals that she will have exclusively unprotected sex with Usman because she “had him get tested for AIDS.”
Seriously.
Usman is a rapper who performs under the name “Sojaboy.” That seems like an invitation for a lawsuit from platinum artist Souljaboy, but Usman and Lisa are clearly okay with imitating people.
Weirdly, his Instagram says he’s also a “United Nations Peace Ambassador,” which we’d better hear more about.
Then there’s Yolanda, a single mom of six grown children. Yolanda has fallen for Williams, who can’t video chat with her because his phone camera is broken, allegedly.
Yolanda is lying to Williams about her age, and all signs point to Williams lying to Yolanda about his appearance, place of origin, possibly his name, and probably most other things.
Yolanda plans to go meet Williams in his “native” Manchester, but Karra, Yolanda’s eldest daughter, insists on tagging along (which is almost certainly a great idea).
Lisa’s other children are not thrilled about her new relationship, saying, “his first name’s a last name. Even his name is sketchy.” A fair point.
All in all, it made for a wild intro to the season. But there’s more to look forward to.
In future episodes, we’ll see the return of Tom and Darcey, a new Ukranian who can’t seem to keep appointments (a la Caesar and Maria), and the series’ first same-sex couple!
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days airs Sundays at 8/7c