Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way, Season 2, Episode 9, Crossing the Line, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Oh, where do we begin, my 90 Day Lovers? This episode has left me feeling completely deflated. I think it all went wrong somewhere between Deavan sadly pushing a stroller around the dark streets of Korea, a translator that has taken on a mind of its own, and, oh, yeah, the DINNER FROM HELL!!
But before I relive that horror, let’s get into some of the “fun” parts of the episode, shall we? You know, the ones that occurred when everyone wasn’t beating their collective dead horses? I know there were some good parts in there! So grab your coffee and popcorn (or wine if you’re smart) and let’s recap!
Ari, Bibi & Mom: I think me likey this hospital!
We begin this episode with Ari reflecting on her two days thus far in Ethiopia: “So far, nothing has been what I’d hoped it would be.”
Is this like, the running theme of the season, you guys!?
At least Ari has moved from the “squalor” she was living in to now waking up in a hotel next to Bibi and … HEY-OH there mom! (Why am I suddenly having flashbacks of Charlie Bucket’s grandparents in Willy Wonka?)
Now that that awkwardness is over, let’s greet this new day and see if the local hospital conditions tick off mom’s safety boxes:
Okay, the hospital is clean… very nice. I also see there’s a tag so baby doesn’t get stolen. How lovely. Oh and sandbags for your belly too? Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Say, nurse, do you have any of those giant pink bouncy balls in case we want to do erotic swivels on them? Oh, you do?! SOLD!
We have found Baby Bibi’s birthplace!
But first, mom has a few outstanding questions for the Magic Mike dad. Cue the “coffee ceremony,” which initially sounded magical to me, but I quickly realized wasn’t going to be all popcorn, java, and rainbows. Rather, it was Commando Mom’s chance to interrogate the budding dancer: “Bibi, how will you support Ari and baby? What was up with your last American girlfriend who left you? Is this all a ploy to come to America?”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I like mom. Also, did I mention, she seems to be the only SANE person right now!? Did I notice a hint of Ari (truly) second-guessing her life choices tonight?
Now, onto a gal who hasn’t quite had the same epiphany … IT’S BRITTANY!
Brittany, Yazan & Uncle!
Brittany and Yazan go talk to The Godfather, I mean, Yazan’s uncle, who sits in his plumes of smoke and has quite the young face for all this wisdom he’s about to bestow.
But before Brittany and Yazan can make Uncle an offer he can’t refuse, we need to beat that dead horse real quick: Brittany might not embrace Islam. She’d have to give up her style of dress and job. Dad is not happy. They need more time. Uncle clarifies that it’s Brittany’s choice to convert to Islam, but dad has reason for concern. Eventually, Uncle says he’ll talk with Yazan’s dad so Brittany can “date” Yazan (aka, buy her time so she can divorce that husband no one knows anything about).
Hey, Uncle – did you not hear what Yazan first told you? “Dad thinks Brittany is making up excuses to delay the wedding!” And here I thought you were the wise one. Sigh.
Tim, Melyza & Her Amazing Fashion Sense!
I’m feeling generous tonight, so I’m gonna go ahead and put Tim in the middle of the recap. And, really, his higher placement is solely because he’s dating Melyza, who demonstrated tonight that she has a wicked fashion sense. I mean, how about that airport outfit?
It almost distracted me from them beating to death their own horse, also known as “I cheated on Melyza and I don’t know if she will forgive me.”
Oh, but wait! Apparently Melyza didn’t know that the reason he cheated was because he was selfish and couldn’t control his sexual urges.
I’m confused and grossed out at the same time, so I’m just gonna focus on that there statement necklace Melyza is wearing, which, aside from my wine, is about the only thing bringing me joy right now.
Speaking of which, please garcon, another for me to chug because I’m about to become a bystander in THE DINNER FROM HELL! And they don’t even have wine there! Just three glasses of water! THE HORROR!
Deavan, Jihoon, Mom, & the Crappy Translator
Guys. I think I saw something foreign tonight. And it wasn’t the language on the lunch sign.
By golly… it was a smile that ALMOST crept over Deavan’s face. I mean, things started out okay for Deavan tonight. She had her hair down. It was wavy. She changed out of that pink shirt and into some overalls. She was even ready to have a little fun with her mom and Drascilla at the local fish market!
They “laughed” over pigs feet, Drascilla enjoyed some shiny fish, and they all sat down for a lovely little ladies’ lunch when oh crap. She’s bustin’ out the egg again. Beef and broccoli you want? That egg’s gonna give you bugs and onions!
It’s okay Drascilla. Here’s a dead fish in a bag for you.
Deavan. Might it be time to return home? You just need to have a convo with Jihoon’s mom first, you say? God-speed.
OMG, you guys. I loved this translator and the entertainment it brought the first time I met it. But tonight was a real gem.
Jihoon went from calling it “crappy”–instructing his parents to not speak too much at once in it–to firing off a s**t storm of emotions through it. Poor little translator couldn’t bear all this emotion, so it started throwing in the weather, random facts, and did I hear “islands” and “bridegrooms.” Oh you, cheeky translator, you. I think you were just having fun with this group at this point, and I don’t blame ya, friend. Mom snapped at dad for telling her to stand up. Jihoon and his waters ran from Deavan because he couldn’t face her. And Deavan didn’t crack a smile once.
I believe Dad was the only respectable cat in this group!
Deavan had enough by the time mom laughed at her for saying her life was “finally ruined,” and Jihoon stormed out thinking Deavan was laughing at him! Oh, egg. The tangled web you weave.
Go home, Deavan. Just…. go home.
Geez, after that s**t-show, I could really use a little Jesus in my life right about now …
Kenny, Armando & Jesus!
Normally, I’d say I could use more “Kenny and Armando,” but there have been some cracks in their foundation since last week, when Kenny arrived in Mexico and endured a culture shock. This week, the couple’s differences were highlighted even more when Armando denied Kenny’s PDA advances.
Because Armando didn’t want to kiss in front of the macho-centric men of Mexico, the pair found a safe place under, where else, a giant Jesus statue. And, I gotta say, I think I need to curl up in a little blankie and sleep there tonight after the Korea debacle.
Until then, I’m just gonna beat this horse out of my own frustration this season is starting to cause me!
Pic credit: Giphy
It’s either that or re-watch that brilliant egg conversation…
Next week, Sumit and Jenny (who were absent this episode) face-off with Sumit’s brother and the possibility of an ultimatum, Bibi dances with his ex-girlfriend to make that money for Ari, and my Lord, it appears Deavan finds one more bruise to give that horse before (let’s pray) she flies back home to America!
90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way airs Monday nights at 9/8c on TLC.
I loved that necklace too!