Monsters & Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, New Orleans, Season 11, Episode 14, Stranger Spouse, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Greetings my MAFS-lovers! Welcome to your weekly recap of Married at First Sight, where we have left quarantine and escaped to our couple’s retreat!
Aside from the fact we are down a couple, not too much has changed regarding the strengths of our remaining four.
So, this week, I’m going to do things a little differently and recap the top five moments of tonight’s episode.
Pour your red wine or tequila shot, and let’s go.
5. Olivia lost a husband but gained a new BFF
When a husband leaves you, at least your new BFF is there to swoop in to help you pack up your things and make you “feel supported.”
But, Amani, if you’re looking to box up any spices or coffee pots, just know Brett wiped your girl out clean. In the words of Amani, “he is a scumbag.”
Yes, it is a little heartbreaking seeing Olivia — a once bright-eyed, bushy-tailed bride-to-be — leaving her apartment a deserted woman, but at least she’s gained a new friend in Amani. Plus, the failed social experiment didn’t make her lose her upbeat attitude: “It’s been real. It’s been fun. But it hasn’t been real fun.” We’re just sorry you won’t be at the couple’s retreat, Olivia!
And no one is sorrier than Christina, who might take home the overly dramatic award of the night.
4. Christina is overly dramatic
Yes, Christina cried multiple times tonight, the first being when she wept over Olivia not being at the retreat.
As if Olivia had passed away, Christina cried, “I want Olivia here, like, eating the fish. And she was like robbed of it. She’s such a good girl.”
Everyone, including Henry, appeared numb, or at least perplexed, by her antics.
The facial expressions from Woody and Amani said it all:
It is a wonder why Christina and Henry are at this retreat. Henry appeared all but checked out. Christina was all over the place. It’s quite possible both of them just wanted a free vacation after losing their s**t in lockdown.
In fact, at one point, as Christina talked about her relationship with Henry, Amani all but laughed in front of Christina’s face, questioning, “I don’t understand Henry and Christina. Like why not just be honest with each other?”
And speaking of Henry, our third top moment of the night was when Amani called out Henry for talking about everyone else but himself.
3. Amani calls Henry out
Henry does not seem to be slowing down with his running around, talking to anyone and anything that will listen to his complaints about Christina. Now, he’s blabbing to Woody and using his new favorite phrase: “pattern of dishonesty.” Christina has a pattern of dishonesty, blah blah blah, just stop it Henry! Stop it! Perhaps even go back to silent mode!
Tonight, he’s talking about everyone else but himself and Amani had enough: “I asked YOU what kind of growth YOU’VE had. Not just for your marriage but you.”
One awkward silence later, Henry alludes that he is not part of a successful couple but he’s committed to having a free vacation seeing it through.
As Bennett said, “I frankly don’t know what Henry is talking about. It’s all so confusing and contradictory.”
And Bennett is the one who tries to find good in all things, you guys. So you know it’s bad.
Of course, Henry and Christina weren’t the only ones with problems tonight. In fact, Bennett himself gave us our next top moment of the night when he and Amelia shared their letters to their child-like selves with each other, and, let’s just say, Amelia was not amused.
2. Amelia stands up for herself
I don’t feel right calling this a top moment, given it was a time of disconnect for these two who are normally extremely in sync. But I was happy to see Amelia stick up for herself a little bit and not lean toward her typical agreeable nature.
Amelia’s letter to her younger self included something like: you will never be able to imagine your wedding. When a nice lady calls you up and asks you to marry a random dude, you should go for it.
Bennett’s, on the other hand, included a multi-page warning all related to a first edition hologram Pokemon card. Yes, he let a friend borrow it, and it is now worth over $20,000, but a disappointed Amelia said, “Wow. I just thought it would be a little bit more about me.”
At least these two gave us plenty of silly moments to make up for this moment, including Bennett randomly blurting out to the group “we’ve had sex!” and also the cute moment when he sang Amelia a lullaby about a bee during which even he couldn’t get through without laughing.
This brings us to our top moment of the night! Drumroll, please!
1. Karen and Miles take home the win in ‘Stranger Spouse’
Without question, the game called Stranger Spouse, in which the spouses showed their knowledge (or lack thereof) of each other was the best part of the night. Is your spouse truly your spouse, or are they a stranger spouse?
And with questions like, “does you husband fold or crumple their toilet paper; would your wife rather eat a cup of buzzing stingless bees or fill their pants with worms and caterpillars?” and “Who is your celebrity crush?” how could you not have fun?
And would you believe who won?! Karen and Miles with a whopping 26 points! In case you are curious, Woody and Amani came in second (21 points) and Henry and Christina came in third (11 points), leaving Bennett and Amelia in dead last with a measly six points! Shocking, I know.
For the record, I had to look up who Bennett’s obscure celebrity crushes were. His answer was Juana Molina (an Argentine singer-songwriter) while Amelia incorrectly guessed Cyrille Aimee. Fun fact: Cyrille Aimee is a famous French jazz singer, and she has been in some of this season’s episodes as either Bennett’s or Amelia’s friend! (Their friend groups blend so that’s why I say either.)
All in all, the game was super fun, even if Henry was trying to subtly dampen it for Christina with sly comments like, “I’m surprised we even got one point!”
And leave it to Christina to put a nice little bow on the night with this gem she gave while speaking to Miles and Karen after their win:
“I’m not in a position to give advice. But seeing you guys grow. It’s just beautiful.”
Oh, Christina. I love how you try and support love even though your marriage is failing miserably, but I don’t know if I’d go that far with Karen and Miles. Yes, they had some sweet moments tonight, but even Woody saw it by saying, “They appear like they’re doing great. But it seems like smoke and mirrors.”
Next week, our couples confide in their friends (again) about the looming D-Day, and, oh for the love of God, is that Kristin talking with Henry yet again?! Does the boy not have anyone he can talk to?! As everyone else observed tonight and Woody has said, it’s time to throw the towel in. It’s been soaking wet on the floor. Move on. Amen Mr. Randall. Amen.
And with that, I bid thee adieu. Til’ next week my MAFS-lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.