Married at First Sight Red Wine Recap: Erik’s showing some controlling colors!

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 12, Must Love Dogs, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …

Well, I’m conflicted MAFS-Lovers. On the one hand, I’m happy that my recap is focused on someone OTHER than Chris Williams. On the other hand, I’m not happy that it’s focused on this controlling side of Erik that came out screaming tonight.

I say screaming because this nasty little character trait of his has been building these last couple episodes, but, man oh man, did it come out with a roar Episode 12.

Tonight’s episode focused a lot on dogs – heck, even its title was “Must Love Dogs.” And while that was cute and all, my job is to get down and dirty.

So, without further ado, let’s recap.

Erik and Virginia have a blowup fight … over dogs?

So we saw the previews where Erik and Virginia have a blowup fight, and she wants to leave because “she’s drowning.” Well, it turns out, it’s over Rockie – Virginia’s dog. Okay, so it wasn’t QUITE over that .. but sorta? I don’t know. It was a bit confusing. I think they were both still drunk from the night before. Or at least Erik was!

Homeboy was slurring his words at 8 a.m.

Virginia storms off, and we are left with one glaring realization: Erik is controlling. Like way controlling. And it’s getting sorta ugly.

I’ll admit. I was #TeamErik going into this marriage and it stayed that way for a solid 5 episodes or so. But ever since he started using the words “I’m done” repeatedly, well, my eyebrow started rising.

And, tonight, I was full-blown scowling. He got mad at Virginia for being gone a half hour at the bar … big deal … but, you guys, it was his DELIVERY. He is SO quick to dismiss and condescend. And, Virginia, lo and behold … is actually the one being pretty patient here.

Yeah, she stormed off and wanted to leave, but she is still there trying to hear him out. They mended things … sorta … Erik still seems buzzed (the irony) … and, yet again, we see the same argument circling back to us next previews. So I just don’t know anymore …

I’m typing rather quickly because these folks got me fired up tonight … the next of which was slick-rick Ryan.

If clueless was a person … It’s Ryan!

Ryan and Clara tried tantric yoga tonight! It was Clara’s idea (shocker) because she is now desperate to have her husband desire her sexually.

But even THIS did nothing for him.

Oh, Clara. It’s a mystery ain’t it. I keep reflecting back to when Ryan’s brother casually mentioned, “he has no feelings.” That struck me, and now it’s coming to fruition.

Ryan must be lacking in some sort of confidence he doesn’t want to admit. I don’t know why else he chooses to laugh everything off. Later, he tells Clara he basically felt nothing during the yoga exercise (but I know what he likely felt … discomfort! … Yeah, I got your number, Ryan.)

Sorry, guys. I don’t mean to go hard on him, it’s just that … well, how much did he drive you crazy when he had his bro talk with the other husbands and was completely delusional?!

“They all need to listen to me because I’m the only one doing this husband thing right.” So that might not be a direct quote. But it’s kinda a direct quote.

Oh, if clueless was a person. I’m not one to wish ill-will on people, and I don’t think I am when I say this: But I sincerely hope Ryan either is watching this episode tonight or at least reading the tweets … because that man needs to get a clue!

Moving on. Oh, man guys. Why am I so fired up!? (I mean, Chris was barely featured tonight!?)

Well, since we said his name. Let’s just get that funny little part out of the way, shall we?

Chris’s mom calls her son out on his B.S.

Chris and Paige didn’t actually interact tonight (thank the Lord). Rather, Paige talked to two of her family members (where the heck have they been the past 11 episodes?!) and Chris talked to his mom. Paige kinda spun it as she found her strength and walked away and I don’t even have the energy to try and correct that statement.

Rather, let’s just focus on Chris’s mom’s face when he tried to highlight Paige’s “wrongs” in their marriage:

Alrighty then.

Haley and Jake are still confusing

Not a lot happened with Haley and Jake tonight. They are still confusing. They hate each other. And then they go to a pumpkin patch and recount to Bri and Vince how they stayed up drinking with Haley’s friends the night before.

The best part was when Bri and Vince played therapist to them off on the sidelines. Bri and Vince were spot on with Bri telling Jake, “she told me she finds you attractive .. maybe she just doesn’t get your humor.”

And Vince telling Haley, “maybe you guys just are mis-reading each other.”

But, as Bri said, “I could tell someone all day they aren’t putting in the work, but that doesn’t mean they will listen to me.” You said it, Bri.

Bri and Vince are the only ones on this MAFS journey

And speaking of Bri and Vince, they are the only ones I feel in this thing with us. They joke and play and listen and are trying to grow with each other. When I watch them, I am reminded that I am actually watching Married at First Sight.

When Vinny was with all the guys during that conversation Ryan was trying to Bogart, I kept yelling at my TV, “SHUT UP BOYS! Champagne Vinny is the only one who needs to be talking here.”

But, alas, these clueless dudes had a pissing contest … of which no one really won.

Well, except maybe Rockie. He IS starting to feel like the 11th cast member of this season after all.

So that about does it friends. Next week, it looks like we are in the for the same ol’ same ol.’

In the meantime, may I suggest we all go online and buy the game “Clue” for Ryan. Hey, it might be kinda fun. Til’ next week, folks!

Married at First Sight airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.