Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, New Orleans, Season 11, Episode 5, The Honeymoon Begins, with a little help from a glass shot of pinot Mezcal (or two) …
Hola my MAFS-lovers! It’s a wonderful day in Mexico! We are fully ensconced in our Season 11 honeymoons, and I am feeling the L.O.V.E. particularly thanks to this dynamic duo!
Yes, they might have lost a wedding ring tonight, but they gained my top slot for couple of the night. So pour the Mezcal, my MAFS-lovers, and let’s recap!
With five episodes behind us now, we are seeing more and more which couples are acing chemistry class while others are left floundering as honeymoon science projects. (I’m looking at you, Christina and Henry!)
And though our wise Christina noted that “comparison is the thief of joy,” I ask thee, how can I NOT compare our lovely couples when I sit and watch their dynamics unfold, back-to-back, in practically direct relation to each other?! It certainly makes it hard on a tipsy little recapper, now doesn’t it.
So like last week, I shall talk first about the couple who reigned supreme for the week! And that title goes to …. drumroll please …no surprise here, especially since I already told you …
Amani & Woody: “It’s not that deep”
This recap could include about a million cute things Amani and Woody did tonight that left me smiling from ear-to-ear. But, really, who has time for that? Okay, so maybe I do, but in the interest of brevity, I’ll limit myself to the highlights.
I love Amani and Woody for their date night and when she told him she wants him to look at her like he does his dinner. I love Amani and Woody for how he can even brush his teeth hard and smack, but Amani lets him get away with it because she finds him “sooooooo cuuuuute!”
And, finally, I love Amani and Woody for the moment Woody lost his wedding ring while swimming, but Amani was cool as a cool cucumber, saying “It’s not that deep.”
When in fact it is deep. Likely at least 6 feet deep at the bottom of the swimming pool. But it’s all good for Amani and Woody. In fact, Amani’s “it’s not deep” mantra landed well on her jazzy little husband. And to top it all off, she even invited Woody to join her in the shower. Well played, Amani. Well played.
And since we are comparing in this recap, I can’t help but have flashbacks to Season 9, when Iris and Keith were on the beach and Keith, too, lost his wedding ring. But, as you die-hard MAFS-lovers know, that instance looked much different than the one we saw play out tonight. (Just keep away from the lemonade, Woody!)
Now whether our dancing duo consummated their marriage in Mexico remains a mystery, but something tells me they are getting close. In fact, I think there might be only one notch left on Sweets’ chastity belt.
Onto the couple who was our science project of the night…
Christina & Henry: “It’s getting wild”
While Woody and Amani are getting an “A” in chemistry class, or “Woody-ology” if you will, Christina is working hard to fix up her little Henry for the science fair–project being “When all else fails in your marriage, corrupt him with culture!” How many “firsts” of his will she see?
Fun Fact: The wildest thing Henry has ever done was … get ready for it … get ready for it … jump on a trampoline!
Yes, my friends, I know this is wild. But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say it’s because he still had on his shoes. But the fun didn’t stop there. Henry and Christina also slid down a mud-bath-slide-thingy, which, let’s be honest, looked wicked cool. Nevertheless, Henry couldn’t quite let himself go either because he couldn’t get that floating thing down or was afraid to get his hair wet.
I’m sorry friends, but I don’t see this one lasting. I know, I know .. call me captain obvious here. But, Christina is leading this whole thing, and the novelty of Henry jumping on a trampoline or trying his first taco, for that matter, is gonna wear off real quick. Quite frankly, I’m surprised Christina has been a trooper for this long.
And speaking of those who are lackluster in the love department … let’s just go ahead with Olivia and good ol’ Brett.
Olivia & Brett: Things You Don’t Want Your New Husband to Say
Now, since we are in the middle of the recap, how about we play a little game called “Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Husband Say On Your Honeymoon.” Two choices:
Is it “just before I got matched with you, I was on a second date with a girl who I saw real potential with, and the only reason I didn’t go on a third date was because I got stuck with you”? That’s one.
OR, is it “I like to do dating apps because I can cast a wide net and catch a massive amount of women, because, hey – I’m efficient.”
Ding, ding, ding! It was BOTH, you guys!
Pic credit: GIPHY
Poor Olivia just wants to sort out how Brett is in relationships because, you know, it’s been three and a half years since she’s dated. And, Olivia, though you took the interesting course of deciding not to date to hey I’ll just marry a stranger, I’m not mad at ya. Let’s just go play on some obstacle courses, kids, and pretend like that whole conversation didn’t just happen.
Fun Fact: Olivia’s athletic, having been a competitive cheerleader and a forward on the soccer team. Therefore, I fully expected her to whip Brett’s butt on the little obstacle course. Brett, however, held his own … well, until he cried about ripping his callouses open. Little Bretsy Wetsy can’t swim now, but at least he got a Boy George hand net out of it. So there’s that.
Okay, moving on … Even though Karen and Miles were at the second slot of the recap last week and Amelia and Bennett ranked first, I feel the need to give Bennett and Amelia their due because they might just be our most rock-solid couple of the season.
Bennett & Amelia: I have a crush on you
Of course, like Woody and Amani, I could also count the ways of how cute this couple is, but tonight I prefer to start with the unexpected. As much as it pains me to acknowledge this, a tiny crack developed tonight in their weird little love foundation.
Yes, while Amelia and Bennett played their massive game of chess, Bennett asked the free-spirited Amelia if she planned on staying put after her residency was up. (I get the feeling Bennett would be perfectly happy staying in New Orleans the rest of his life.)
But Amelia never answered his question. Indeed, she cleverly used her pawn as a pawn to escape it! And while I did spy a brief look of concern creep across Bennett’s face, I’m going to take a page from Amani and say, it’s not that deep. This crack is not deep, you guys. It can’t be! Sure, it’s something to watch for, but it’s not deep. IT’S. NOT. DEEP.
Pic credit: GIPHY
Plus, I mean, that little crack was all made up for when the producer asked Bennett if he has a crush on Amelia.
Being the cute little guy that he is, Bennett peeped around making sure Amelia couldn’t hear him, and then admitted, “yeah, I do.”
Oh, and did I mention they’re becoming the same person? I mean, last week, they found out that they wear the same glasses–I think even the same prescription, and, this week, they swam in unison! In maroon bathing suits no less! So, again. IT’S. NOT. DEEP.
Plus they’re super fun and they floss together, and, yadda yadda yadda, we love them.
Last, but certainly not least, we have the couple who has upgraded from altar-freakouts to calling each other “my stranger.”
Karen & Miles: Meet MY Stranger
Now last week, we saw little Miss Karen loosening up some. She got her little braids, plus she was being quite flirty under that big floppy hat of hers, all of which we loved. This week, however, she’s tightening up again. Now mind you … MIND YOU! We are only in Day Four of marriage.
So if we do the math right, that’s five episodes at two hours apiece, which gives us 10 hours of watch time of these folks, leaving us feeling like we know these people. Okay, so I’ll speak for myself … I feel pretty invested here! So we gotta keep in mind, our little couples here are only on Day Four of just having met, so I’m going to go ahead and respect Karen’s hesitancy for now.
What’s more, and Lord help us, we have Miles calling Karen a cougar(!) tonight, and, I’m sorry, but did I also hear the words “sugar momma” come out of his mouth? Oh, Miles. You know I’m one of your biggest fans, but we’re trying hard here to stay away from you looking younger than Karen, even though you are four years her junior.
So just keep talking about how you run schools and how people trust ya, and we’ll be golden, alright? Glad we could have that little conversation.
Oh yeah, Miles also mentioned he has had TEN long-term or at least monogamous relationships, and, yes, he is only 26. So, again, I did the math for us, and that puts us at … let’s see … if he had two relationships a year starting at 21 when he was legal age to drink, and if he were to jump from one to the next at six months a piece, leaving no time to breathe or figure himself out like Olivia chose to do, then … YEAH … that’s a little much.
Naturally, Karen’s wondering if she’s monogamous girl number 11, but Miles puts her mind to rest and also has the adorable idea of sleeping in the hammock. Now we just need to see these two kiss already!
Group Hangouts!
So that about does it, but I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the FABULOUS group interactions tonight. I mean, seriously, how cute were they? The first one was when Bennett and Amelia swam with Woody and Amani because, naturally, the fun scouts out the fun. And though Bennett was swimming in his drawers, Woody was willing to overlook it because, hey, it’s Bennett.
And, of course, Miles and BFF Woody had a hang-out, and they brought their new little wives for some day-drinking and boating excursion, which involved full-on 360s.
And, I love love love the fact that Karen and Amani are instant friends it seems like. I mean, how could you not be. Both of them are wonderful, and I am loving Amani more and more every episode. Woody, I understand why you might be, how did you say … “falling for her ass”? … I think was the way you phrased it in our super-teaser.
So, you guys, that’s about two hours worth all squeezed into one little recap, and I don’t even feel like I scratched the surface. But that’s what happens when you have one robust, fun-filled season like this.
Next week, things start looking stormy in the final days in Paradise: Miles tells Karen he has clinical depression, Olivia tells Brett she can’t pour her heart out anymore, and Christina tells Henry her patience is just about gone. (No surprise, our top two couples appear to continue their smooth sailing … Because, as we all know, it’s not that deep.)
In the meantime, I’m off to go find me one of those “That’s Deep” t-shirts because I can’t find a golden t-shirt nightgown on Amazon to save my life!
Til’ next week my MAFS-Lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.