Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 18, Rocky Mountain Bye, with a little help from a shot of tequila (or two.)
Hello Housewives-Lovers!
Last night, we continued on our Aspen trip from Hell, and the episode was all about the tequila, hats, and, you guessed it– fights!
Only, this time, we didn’t have Sutton as the mean girls’ target.
In fact, new “teams” were formed.
We had Dorit siding with Erika and Diana.
We had Crystal popping off to EJ AND Dorit – hitting every mark along the way.
And we had Kyle, who cried almost the entire episode because her feelings were hurt by just about everyone.
And if you couldn’t guess what the drink of choice of the night is. It’s a margarita.
But be careful what tequila you use! Kathy’s watching!
Rinna picks Kendall Jenner’s tequila over Kathy’s
We picked up from last week’s debacle when Erika left Kyle’s in her drunken fit of rage, cursing out the ladies after she told them she didn’t care about the Lion Air victims.
And because Kyle couldn’t defend her, so we begin the great divide.
Dorit decides to go with Erika’s camp, leaving her Sister Wife Kyle alone in the dust.
As Erika and Dorit stroll the streets of Aspen alongside Diana and salivate over her wealth, EJ points out that the earrings she is wearing have only increased in value.
Mind you, these just happen to be the $250K diamond earrings that were the center of last week’s controversy, but that doesn’t phase Erika, and it doesn’t even really phase Dorit.
Welcome to the dark side, Dorit!
Meanwhile, Kyle and the rest of the ladies are at Kemo Sabe – Kyle’s beloved hat store. If Dorit decides she isn’t coming with the ladies, then Kyle cannot forgive that.
Something else that is unforgivable in Aspen?
Not ordering Kathy Hilton’s tequila.
Lisa Rinna makes sure to point out that her “friend” Kendall Jenner’s tequila is also behind the bar and she would like to sample it.
As I question how chummy Kendall and Rinna actually are, I begin to see a side of Kathy I have not quite seen before.
She gets a little unreasonably mad that the bartender isn’t promoting Kathy’s tequila as much as she should be, is “disgusted” by Rinna ordering 818, and is so mad, that she takes off from the hat store!
But, Kathy, they light the hats on fire and do a whole thing! No? Okay then.
Erika is also so mad at Kyle, she is willing to fly *gasp* COMMERCIAL on the way home.
Are we sensing first-world problems here?
You betcha.
Where is Mo to unite all these ladies when you need him?
As Mo mends the friendship between Kyle and Dorit, Rinna sets off on a mission to try and bring the two teams together.
I gotta admit, it was quite comical seeing Rinna walking the streets of Aspen aimlessly in her red puffy coat.
Erika spots Lisa and the group has pizza, which is NOT on the agenda.
Someone check on Kyle who is hyperventilating at this point.
Crystal finds her voice
Next on the docket!
The ladies all meet at another Aspen-y type bar. Erika and Diana show up together, and Erika wonders if any of these “friends” of hers are going to congratulate her on her “big win” of the day.
You see, the day after Erika’s drunken rage about earring-gate, news broke that the Chicago lawsuit was dismissed.
But, really, as Crystal points out, the lawsuit still exists, it’s just being re-filed in California.
That doesn’t matter to Erika. A win is a win and she wants some recognition.
It takes all of five minutes for Kyle and Erika to forgive each other, something Garcelle notes as a double standard because Erika has only been holding onto her grudge against Sutton for a year now.
But this not Sutton’s fight. In fact, she’s “retired” from calling out Erika on her B.S.
So take it away, Cowgirl Minkoff!
Crystal asks Erika why she treated her so poorly and why is it that Garcelle can ask the same questions, but Erika only calls Crystal an “a**hole.”
Erika responds, “Because you are one!”
Now, normally, that would be a whole episode, but Crystal isn’t done fighting her battles yet.
As she shoots pool with Dorit, Crystal tells Dorit she just wants to see Erika have compassion for the victims.
But being that Dorit has now officially drunk the Erika Jayne kool-aid, she quips, “we don’t know the whole story, Crystal.”
But Crystal ain’t buying what Dorit is selling.
In fact, Crystal almost leaves Dorit speechless when she tells her, “I live with a moral compass. And I like to surround myself with people who share that same compass.”
Kyle wants to just “put a pin” in it all leaving them to do what else?
Go to another bar!
On deck? The Carribou Club!
A club so elite, not even Kathy Hilton is sure she can get in with the way she is dressed.
The episode leaves off with a cliffhanger, with the alleged texts leaked by Rinna talking about Kathy’s erratic behavior and how Rinna has never seen Kathy go off the way she did and especially on her sister.
Then we see Kathy’s alleged text to Rinna, “silence is golden,” messages that are sure to be hashed out at the reunion.
Ah, I’m still Team Kathy.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.