Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelorette, Season 17, Episode 5, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hello my Rose-Lovers! Another great week with Katie! And by the end of this episode, I’ve come to three conclusions: Hunter needs to go, Greg and Michael A. need to be protected at all costs, and I’m secretly forming a thing for Insurance Agent Aaron.
So grab your photos of your kids and telescopes if you got ’em!
It’s your recap. Let’s go.
Hunter is this week’s villain over newcomer Blake
So now that we have gotten rid of Thomas and ol’ what’s his face who shadowboxed alone, we need a new villain. And while the stars were aligned for newcomer Blake Moynes to fill this spot, Hunter quickly swooped in and made Blake a foregone thought.
We started the night with Blake getting the first one-on-one – an undeserved date that could have easily made him public-enemy-number-one.
While the men weren’t all warm and fuzzy toward Blake when he arrived, they acknowledged that ah well – it is what it is, and off to ride horses with Katie he goes.
Now I wish I could say Blake doesn’t belong, but I’m not gonna lie – he and Katie actually do have some chemistry!
They are kinda like the same person and sex-positive Blake is easily checking her boxes. So much so, that she literally rolled around with him in the hay and declared that she could see herself at the end of this with him(!). She even treated him to a private concert with American Idol(!) winner Laine Hardy who apparently has resorted to cameo appearances on The Bachelorette.
But I can’t focus on forgotten Idols or even Africa-travelling Blake right now, because we have Hunter – the Tasmanian devil – and he’s about to plow all the men down in a good ol’ game of The Bachelorette Bash Ball Battle.
And bash some balls they did. Hunter (who didn’t get the social cue that this is just a game), set the tone, nailing Virgin Mike P. This opened the door for all the men to lay it out on the field, with Justin plowing our beloved Michael A.!
Rest assured, Michael A. was okay, and the only thing really being hurt was his dignity with his dad bod out there. This brings us to Michael A. on the evening portion of the group date.
Greg Grippo’s reaction to Michael A.’s story was the best
Not only did Michael A. get hurt in the Bash Ball Battle, but he later reveals to Katie and the rest of the men on the group date that yesterday was his late wife’s birthday. He told the men that “we only have short time here – not here here – but on this Earth. So don’t waste your time.”
And you better believe that Greg hung on to every dang word, and I may or may not have been in tears during this portion of the episode.
(Meanwhile, our other dad Hunter is plotting how he will show Katie pictures of his kids to, I don’t know, really seal the deal on this “love connection” he thinks he is forming with her. Then he’s going to bust out his telescope from home, which he apparently has been hiding in his room, to show her some stars.)
But back to our lovable guys – Michael A. and Greg. After giving Michael A. a hug through many tears, Greg took Michael’s heartfelt words as his instruction to go tell Katie what she means to him.
It is becoming abundantly clear that the sad little puppy dog Greg is in love with our girl. And I’m rooting for him. Not only can he slam a basketball, but he is in tune with his emotions – as we saw with Michael A., AND not to mention this adorable bromance he has with Connor B. – moments we are seeing way too few of.
So, yeah, I think it’s safe to say we must protect Greg (and Michael A.) at all costs.
I would be remiss if I didn’t discuss Katie’s second one-on-one of the episode with Andrew S. They really seemed to connect over “dinner” where they discussed the struggles of an interracial relationship.
Katie quickly squashed Andrew’s fears saying she doesn’t give an eff what people say and she will be in full-on mama-bear mode for anyone that comes for her beautiful bi-racial children (cementing Katie as one of the best Bachelorettes ever).
I feel like I’m saying Katie has great “connections” with everyone – but that’s the thing about our girl. She has a way of genuinely listening to and connecting with the guys on very individualistic levels – all the while maintaining the perfect level of confidence AND vulnerability.
So that about does it for the highlights this week, folks. I want Greg for Katie. Michael A. as our next Bachelor. And Aaron for myself.
I’ll wait.
Next week, and in the weeks to come, it looks like all hell is about to break loose. Hints of Michael A. leaving because he misses his son too much(!?) … Katie, Connor B., Blake, and Greg ALL crying over something I’m not sure of?!?
It’s going to be a doozy folks, and I can’t wait. Til’ next time, my friends! In the meantime, read Wells’s thoughts on which men he thought had the best connection with Katie! (I mean, more Wells around here is never a bad thing. He IS the only grounding thing in this barren land we call The Bachelorette, it seems.)
The Bachelorette airs on Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.