Nobody’s playing well in the sandbox this week on the Real Housewives of Potomac.
Gizelle, Karen, Monique and Charrisse meet up for lunch at Summer House in North Bethesda to work on the problems between Gizelle and Monique.
At least this restaurant is near Potomac.
“We’re just not meshing. I want to get to know you,” Monique says.
“To be quite honest with you,” Gizelle starts to say, and then she starts choking. And choking and choking.
“You were about to tell a lie, and you choked on that lie,” Monique says in interview. She is funny as hell!
Monique calls out Gizelle for her behavior at her BBQ.
“You proceeded to talk about me very badly,” Gizelle says, and complains about Monique’s use of the word “trick.”
Apparently, they have different definitions of the word.
“I say ‘trick’ a lot because I don’t use profanity,” Monique says. Oh wow!
Gizelle gets six kinds of nasty about the whole episode when Monique asked for her phone number.
She’s making herself look bad. Her handling of the request was rude, and now she’d just making it worse.
There are no rules about how you ask for a telephone number!
“Don’t wave your hand at me,” Monique says, when Gizelle gets aggressive.
Karen tries to calm everybody down but everybody talks over her.
Then Charrisse busts in. And it’s actually hilarious.
“It’s no longer about you. It’s about me, and you guys are my friends,” Charrisse starts crying.
“The tears don’t work here because it’s not about you,” Karen says. #Truth
“You didn’t even eat, sweetie,” Gizelle says to Karen, at the end of lunch.
“Well how could I? I was in a tornado at this table,” Karen replies. Bahaha!
Monique and Chris exercise together with their kids. And it’s cute.
They’re planning a big first birthday party at their lake house for their daughter Milani.
Chris gives Monique a $20k budget.
“Give or take $5k,” Monique says. “Technically, we’re still in budget.”
Her mother in law can’t come for the party, and Monique isn’t sad about it.
Let’s face it – that woman is a menace.
She tells Chris she’s going to invite everybody except Gizelle.
“If you don’t click, you don’t click,” Chris says.
“Maybe I remind her of what life use to be like for her,” Monique says. #Boom!
“I don’t want to kick anybody out of the lake house because that’s a two-hour drive,” Monique says.
Karen and Ray finally have a contract on their house. A cash offer. Who publicizes that?
Now they have to find a new house really fast.
The two she liked best were in Great Falls, Virginia.
“I’m attached to Potomac, but I can expand my kingdom,” Karen says. “My title as the Grand Dame goes with me everywhere.”
Um, sorry Karen. Out of sight, out of mind.
Karen and Charrisse have a pool day.
Karen has some pasty-ass legs. I’m like 10 shades darker and I’m not black.
Get some sun, woman!
She wants to go away on vacation (probably because she knows she needs a tan).
“I think you should put Gizelle and Monique in a Jack and Jill and make them get along,” Charrisse jokes, referring to a bathroom that’s shared by the bedrooms on either side.
They decide they should plan a trip to Bermuda together.
“What better person to host this than me?” Karen says.
They immediately start bickering over who is in charge.
Charrisse tells Ashley the trip is her idea.
Karen tells Gizelle the trip was her idea.
These women are ridiculous! They need to get lives!
Chris and Monique’s lake house looks sweet. Is that Lake Anna?
There’s a petting zoo and carnival-type entertainment. Plus, she wisely hired lifeguards for their pool.
But she’s having party planning nightmares because traffic is horrendous (another reason I think it’s Lake Anna – Rt. 95 in Northern Virginia is a NIGHTMARE).
The valets are running late. The caterer is late. Even the minister doing the baby dedication is stuck in traffic.
Quick Rant: How did her vendors not know when to leave to get there? Somebody needs to put the fear of God in her caterers, valets and anybody else who didn’t arrive early. Her pastor gets a free pass.
Guests start arriving before the vendors, and you can feel Monique’s stress. OMG.
But it all comes together literally at the last second, and the result is awesome.
Watching Ashley navigate the lawn in her platform heels is CLASSIC. She’s lucky she didn’t break an ankle.
Why don’t these women ever dress for the events they’re attending? I mean, Ashley showed up at the driving range in heels, and at a pool party in a cocktail dress? Get over yourself.
“This is for a one year old party? Dang!” Ashley is impressed.
We meet Monique’s parents. And they’re young and gorgeous.
Monique looks just like her mother.
Everybody makes a big deal out of Michael’s absence – he’s at the beach.
Monique’s dad gives Ashley some relationship advice.
He tells her that after his divorce, he realized it’s not that important to always get your own way.
She’s listening, but it remains to be seen whether the advice will sink in.
The party is awesome, and everybody’s having a blast.
Meanwhile, Gizelle is sweating her butt off on a treadmill because she wasn’t invited to the party. Bahaha! #Sorrynotsorry
Karen and Charrisse start bickering about whose idea the Bermuda trip was again.
“I think I’m fine. I’m balanced right now,” Charrisse says.
“Right now,” Karen snarks.
Monique pops over to check on her friends just as it’s heating up.
“I think Karen has an issue with me,” Charrisse tells Monique.
“How did they get stuck planning this trip together?” Monique jokes.
Afterwards, Robyn gives Gizelle the down-low on the party she missed, and tells her that her girls would have enjoyed it.
And she tells her about Karen and Charrisse fighting.
“I want Charrisse’s input. We just can’t go on camera live,” Gizelle says. She’s gotten in trouble running her mouth in front of the cameras before, hasn’t she?
Karen and Charrisse have a sit down to discuss the Bermuda trip.
“I know we had a little moment,” Karen begins.
“I didn’t. You did,” Charrisse says. Off to a great start, right?
They argue about who is hosting.
WHO IS PAYING FOR THE TRIP? That’s who is hosting.
I’m a wedding planner, but I’m not the hostess at the wedding. Duh. I just can’t with these two.
They aren’t really talking about hosting – they’re talking about who gets to be the boss which day.
If I were one of the other girls seeing this, I wouldn’t want to go on the trip at all.
“You and I have to be an example to the girl,” Karen says. Charrisse agrees.
Oh, the irony! Bahaha!
In other news, relationships are crumbling all over Potomac, except these two couples don’t even live in Potomac.
Ashley gets a lot of positive feedback on the comment cards from the Critic’s Choice dinner. It was a good idea to Americanize the menu a little bit.
“So you think the event was a success?” Michael asks.
He apologizes for their fight.
And they end up arguing again.
“The reality is we’re just never going to really agree and see eye to eye on this,” Ashley says.
She’s got so much attitude. She must have an unbelievable pre-nup to have such an attitude. For real.
After he bails on her for Monique’s party, Michael and Ashley go make pottery together as a bonding exercise.
At first, it’s a little bit Demi Moore in Ghost. But then they start arguing.
“We’ve gotta do more of this stuff,” Michael says.
“I know that we love each other, but do you think that we’re still in love?” Ashley asks.
“Yeah, I’m in love with you,” Michael says. She doesn’t like the tone of his voice and the way he said “yeah.”
Seriously? SERIOUSLY???
Everybody in the workshop is hanging on their every word.
It’s bad enough your marriage is collapsing in front of a camera crew, but you need a bigger audience? OMG.
She tells him she’s not in the mindset of a baby because of the way their marriage is going.
Ashley wants to wait until they’re on stable ground.
The universe is looking out for me because if I didn’t have a restaurant, I’d have a baby,” Ashley jokes that if the marriage doesn’t work out, you can’t give the baby back to the stork.
That’s probably the smartest decision we’ve ever seen Ashley make.
Robyn’s a hot mess, too.
She goes to see a therapist about her relationship with Juan.
This is hard to watch since everyone in the world knows what Robyn needs to do except Robyn.
“So you guys haven’t had the conversation at all?” the therapist asks.
They haven’t.
WTF?
The therapist gives her homework to go on a few dates.
“I don’t know if your ex is going to like you going out on dates, but this is not about him,” the therapist says.
Next week, the ladies go to Bermuda. Together.
And Karen gets into it with several of the girls.
As expected, Gizelle attacks Monique.
It pretty much looks like the vacation from hell. Nope nope nope. I wouldn’t go.
Things we’re left wondering
What does Gizelle have against Monique? Monique has tried to mend fences she didn’t break several times, and Gizelle is just being a twat about it. Why? Is she just jealous?
What’s the big deal between Charrisse and Karen? Do these two vapid women really have so little in their lives that claiming the captain’s seat for a girls’ trip is mission critical? Dear God.
Is Ashley over Michael? It’s seeming like it. I really want the details of her pre-nup because she’s making no effort to compromise with her husband.
Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sundays at 8/7c on Bravo.