The staff is headed to Palm Spring for a few days to shoot pictures for a new marketing campaign on What Happens at The Abbey.
You know that won’t go well.
And for some unknown reason, E! moved this show to midnight Eastern Time which is probably the most annoying thing ever. Obviously, it’s not going over well with the East Coast audience.
Kyle and Elizabeth are still not in a good place since he didn’t choose to grab her butt last week.
Yes, that’s why she’s mad. The lesbian interprets her friend’s lack of interest as body-shaming.
But Elizabeth regrets going so ballistic.
“Do you have rage blackouts? I have full-on rage blackouts,” Chelsea says.
Why does that not surprise me?
Marissa has broken up with her boyfriend back home because he wants to her to be “wifey,” so Kyle is primed and ready to take his spot.
“If Kyle is really serious about me, he better take me on a date,” Marissa says. She’s not going to hook up in public and go back to his room.
Ashlee wasn’t invited because they’re all mad she made out with Daniel’s best friend in front of him. Even though they don’t like Daniel.
Chelsea says Ashlee is making her look bad. She brought her into their crew, and The Abbey.
“This girl is trying to steal all my friends, and my life,” Chelsea says. #Creepy
The photo shoot is painful to watch – there’s not enough room for all the egos on the pool deck.
“That photographer couldn’t get away from Daniel fast enough,” Lawrence says.
Brandi gets all bitchy about having to pose with new guy Franklin. She certainly has an unwarranted high opinion of himself.
Then when they’re posing for a group pic, Kyle gets mad that Billy is blocking him. So he drops his towel completely.
Yep. All class.
After the photo shoot, they go out to party together.
Cory and Murray have broken up and it’s nasty. The group is split in half when they go out.
“Now I get stuck with Daniel and Franklin,” Murray complains.
Kim and Elizabeth start getting touchy feely after a few drinks. Again.
Suddenly, Ashlee appears out of nowhere.
“Ashlee showing up is a complete party foul,” Kyle says he only acted interested in Ashlee to get Marissa’s attention.
Billy tries to get Cory and Murray back together, but Cory isn’t interested.
Franklin asks Brandi what her problem is with him.
“He’s flattering himself if he thinks I go out of my way to ignore him,” Brandi says.
But she does.
Franklin goes off, and gets really emotional.
Lawrence gets in the middle, all baby-daddyish.
“Brandi’s a strong personality and she will just railroad all over you,” Elizabeth says.
“When you disrespect me, you get another side of me,” Franklin rants to Elizabeth. He starts crying.
Elizabeth tries to explain to him that sometimes people just don’t connect.
“It hurts my feelings, and I don’t like having my feelings hurt,” Franklin says, with tears rolling down his face in interview.
Oh boohoo. That’s life. Not everybody is going to like you. Why would you want to be friends with somebody like Brandi anyway?
Ashlee decides to go after Billy, Kyle’s roommate, if she can’t have Kyle.
“Kyle’s from Vegas, Kyle lives loose. I’m from Ohio,” Billy makes the hard play for his roommate’s sloppy seconds, totally violating Bro Code by trashing his boy.
As soon as they’re drunk enough, Kim and Elizabeth start making out in front of everybody. Kim initiates it. But she’s not a lesbian.
Later on, this random chick Erin who used to work at The Abbey starts bugging Kim and Elizabeth about their relationship status. She really mean and aggressive.
It’s none of her business, but she thinks it is.
“This little bitch is following me, screaming at me,” Elizabeth says.
Then Erin’s friend Chris jumps in and calls Elizabeth a “whale.”
Elizabeth’s not fat. She’s wearing a totally unflattering bathing suit, but she’s actually tiny.
“He is trash,” Kim says.
“I’m a size 2,” Elizabeth screams. “I’m a J. Crew size 2!”
She goes into total meltdown mode, and brings up Kyle’s body-shaming her last week. Girl has some issues!
The next morning, the whole group reconvenes at their boss’s house for a fun day together.
Who are they kidding?
“Chris called her a whale out of nowhere,” Brandon tells his boyfriend who has just arrived.
Then Kyle does some totally unnecessary pot-stirring about Ashlee.
“She told me Chelsea is jealous because she’s a younger, better-looking version,” Kyle says.
“You can’t buy a personality with a trust fund,” Chelsea replies.
Ashlee shows up and the s**t hits the fan.
Chelsea greets her as the new, better, improved version of herself.
“When did she say it? Tell me Kyle,” Chelsea says, when Ashlee denies it.
“Now that I think about it. I might have been the one who said that,” Kyle admits in interview.
“Honestly, part of me kind of likes watching Chelsea yell at Ashlee,” Kyle says.
What a jerk!
Billy puts himself in the middle.
“Do you like seconds? Are you next?” Chelsea asks Billy. #SloppySeconds
“Whey David Cooley finds out what you’re doing you’re going to be fired,” Murray yells at Chelsea, as she continues to berate Ashlee.
Chelsea is a management trainee.
“So I guess if you can’t stick your d**k inside me it’s an issue,” Chelsea screams at Murray.
“You’re done girl. You’re done. Have a seat b***h!” Murray gets nasty.
Brandon steps in, as the boss’s assistant, and tells them all to stop fighting.
It doesn’t work.
“I wouldn’t put my d**k in that vagina, girl. That’s disgusting,” Murray yells at Chelsea.
“There’s no way this is not getting back to David, so Monday’s going to be an interesting day,” Brandon says.
Murray tries to have a conversation with Cory and it doesn’t go well.
“You’re a cheating f**king pig,” Cory screams. “You’re a cheating w**re.”
“I’m so over it,” Cory storms out AFTER he throws a drink on Murray. #Classy
Then Cory goes and cries about it to Lawrence and Brandi.
And Murray follows him.
They have to keep them from fighting. Domestic violence, anybody?
Meanwhile, the drama continues outside on the pool deck with the girls.
“I’m beyond impressed with how much Billy defended me,” Ashlee says. Obviously, Billy has found the key to her pants.
Chelsea approaches Ashlee to talk. She’s probably worried about her job.
“You could have pulled me aside. That’s how mature people with class talk,” Ashlee says.
“I didn’t disagree with it when it was said to me, but I didn’t say it,” Ashlee tells Chelsea that Kyle said those things about her.
“I swear I’m not the b***h she’s making me out to be,” Ashlee says in interview.
Ashlee finally loses her cool and screams back at her, asking if Chelsea would talk to her if she was yelling like her.
I’m not sure which one is more messed up, but Chelsea’s making herself look worse. It’s like she’s channeling Kathy Griffin’s press conference.
Next week, it gets six kinds of uglier, and Kyle’s pot-stirring again when he accuses Kim of being part of threesome.
Things we’re left wondering
Why would a successful businessman like David Cooley allow these morons to party in his houses?
Does Kim realize she’s the one going after Elizabeth-the-lesbian? Didn’t they fight about it the next day last time? What is she thinking?
Could Marissa possibly be as dumb as she appears, or is it just her God-awful Long Island accent?
What Happens at The Abbey airs Sundays at midnight on E!